The Oasis Son And The Teacher Son: How Are They Different?
The relationship between parents and children is one of the most significant in the life of a human being. However, each child offers us a completely unique experience. With each one we discover aspects of parenthood that we did not yet know.
That is why many parents, when comparing, wonder how it is possible that two infants, even growing up in the same family, can be so different. Given this, knowing the differences between the oasis child and the teacher child can be reassuring.
We would like to think that the parent-child bond is idyllic and that there is only room for positive feelings. However, the reality is that parenting can be frustrating and exasperating, and that anger, anger, and disappointment toward a child are possible. How not to do it if we feel that our little one is disobedient, defiant and complicated while other children are so simple and loving?
Before blaming the child and holding a grudge toward him, let’s look at the situation from a broader perspective. Before rejecting our son for his way of being, let’s dare to walk towards unconditional love. Not only because this is an essential ingredient for a child to grow up emotionally healthy, but because, by transforming these feelings towards him, we will be transforming ourselves as parents and as people.
The oasis son and the teacher son
The concepts of the oasis son and the teacher son are described in Martha Alicia Chávez’s book Your son, your mirror . The author states that, in general, in every family with two or more children these two distinct personalities appear.
The oasis child is a simple, obedient and responsible child. They are, as they say, “manual children” who normally do not cause problems and with whom the parents maintain a fluid and harmonious relationship. These little ones, from babies, are usually calm, eat well, sleep well and are easy to raise. Being their parents is a simple, enjoyable and rewarding task. It seems that they do not require any extra effort, it is as if they came already educated.
For his part, the teacher son is a challenge. They are difficult children who challenge the mental and emotional limits of their parents. Raising them requires energy, dedication, and a lot of learning.
These children often generate, with their behavior, that their parents seek, read, inquire or ask for professional help. At times, the adults in their care can despair and the relationship with them poses obstacles and requires more effort.
We all want an oasis child
Simplifying, the differences between the oasis child and the teacher child is that the first is the child that every parent dreams of and the second is the one that every parent fears having. Within the family it is difficult not to establish a certain preference or affinity for the oasis son because of his simplicity, because of the pleasant calm that he provides us compared to the emotional storms that the teacher son unleashes.
However, the work of these latter children is truly valuable. Adults often think they are the problem because of their rebelliousness, disobedience, and complexity. Because of the challenges they pose and the headaches caused by their way of being. However, to a large extent, that child functions as a mirror of the unhealed inner world of his parents.
This child brings you face to face with your demons, with your fears, with your feelings of impatience, guilt or anger. It makes you face the expectations you expected to see fulfilled and faces you with constant frustration.
At his side you have no choice but to learn, mature, evolve on a personal and human level. It leads you to be interested in matters that, otherwise, you would never have attended. It constantly teaches you, especially if you are willing to learn.
Unconditional love is the greatest lesson
The greatest learning that your child teacher will leave you will be unconditional love. The ability to love, care for and accept someone as they are, even if they don’t meet your expectations, even if they take you out of your comfort zone.
Your oasis child also teaches you in a simpler and more pleasant way. But the personal growth that a teacher son brings you is incomparable. Learn to appreciate the value of each of your children and open yourself to the messages of motherhood in all its forms.
