How To Set Fair Rules For Your Teenager
Establishing rules to guide children’s behavior is a challenge in itself. Although we think that enforcing them is the most difficult process, we do not expect that they need to be carefully thought out to be fair and easy for adolescents to digest. It is the parents’ duty to do this task correctly.
Being fair is not easy, because many times we can think that we are acting with justice, but we may not see ourselves that way. This is very common when trying to discipline children, because we allow ourselves to be carried away by our personal interests and we do not worry about protecting the rights of children.
On the contrary, if we are fair, even if it hurts, we should not worry. Acting correctly, without thinking that our adolescents may not like it avoids many feelings of guilt and they will understand it one day. Due to their age and idiosyncrasies, it can be difficult for them to understand the limits in their adolescence.
It is known that to guide the behavior of adolescents you must have silk gloves, because this stage is difficult and we do not like to take risks with them. For example, when they feel cornered by some decision of their parents, the result can have serious effects.
What to keep in mind
So, from the experience of many families, the rules to be imposed in these cases must practically be pre-approved by young people in order to avoid conflicts. In this sense, knowing the complexity of the subject, we suggest addressing the following approaches:
- If we act justly we should not be afraid.
- Explaining the reasons for applying a certain rule in real detail can seem as if the subject is being discussed, which has its advantages and disadvantages.
- Sometimes we choose not to talk to children about our decisions, perhaps for fear of losing authority; but it is advisable to do so so that they feel included.
- Being authoritative is a common measure to teach discipline, but not all teens respond well to harshness. Sometimes it is better to speak to them with flexibility and tact.
- Justice has to do with the truth, so when we want to be fair we must act honestly. Let us try to argue our position with real facts.
One of the complications with adolescents is that they are approaching independence, they are closer to adulthood and although it seems that they do not understand well, they are reasoning things more. In relation to this, it is preferable to avoid being judged in the wrong way, be it our children or anyone else.
For teens, what are fair rules?
At this stage, children are on the defensive, which is why they are likely to perceive threat and injustice in any limit or correction made by their parents. However, trying to please them can complicate the application of discipline, so it is necessary to start from the first stage of their life.
When we have achieved the respect of the children, at least we will have approached a space for them to listen to us and attend to the suggestions that we make. At this time the main thing is to keep confidence activated, so it would not be advisable to abruptly remove them from their comfort zone. Open communication will also be essential in these cases.
We must remember that learning fairness is as difficult as teaching fairness and is one of the challenges of standard setting. Perhaps we believe that it is impossible for children to distinguish which of the orientations that we give them are correct, so we will determine how to proceed in these circumstances:
- Be consistent. This implies not getting carried away by episodes of intolerance that make us look unfair even without being so. A fair attitude consistently allows us to be more assertive and confident in our judgments.
- Have an exemplary conduct. We must be clear that we can receive what we have given, being an example to our children, implies that there are spaces for negotiation.
- Be open to dialogue. Some parents may want to participate in the establishment of norms and others only impose them, but it is recommended that there are possibilities for children to express their appreciation, which invites family participation.
- Act according to reality. For the rules to be fair, they must be feasible and credible, so you should avoid asking for things that are not easy to achieve or are non-existent.
- Be impartial. We may not like a fair action at all, but the success may exist just by accepting it. Putting aside our personal interests a bit in favor of the acceptable tastes of children is a good option to improve relationships.
