Disobedient Children, What Is The Cause Of Your Behavior?
“My son has me tired, he never listens to me , “ many parents often protest against their children’s misbehavior. However, disobedient children do not wake up one morning firmly aiming to sustain lousy behavior throughout the day.
On the contrary, disobedient children are usually the product of a model of authority exercised by their own parents, be they authoritarian, excessively contemplative or negligent adults. Although the older ones do not know the reasons for this attitude, the reality is that if it persists, it receives a name and surname.
Science has called this condition as “Defiant Negative Disorder”, which -according to the statistics presented by the Spanish Society of Pediatrics and Primary Care- affects 15% of Spanish minors before reaching 16 years of age.
Of course, these unwanted behaviors of disobedient children harm both the development of the child and their family environment. You are Mom tells you how to identify this behavior problem of the boy, what are the causes of his rebellion and how to correct that attitude.
Disobedient children, why?
Surely you are tired of asking your child, with an overwhelming constancy, to put away the toys he has thrown on the floor or not to flick toys towards the roof of the house or throw them from the balcony into the void. But do you know the reasons why he is so rebellious?
From psychology it is explained that the minor, between 2 and 5 years old, tends to develop a sense of identity, independence and autonomy much stronger than when he was just a baby for whom you were his world and his pattern to follow.
For this reason, to forge his personality while differentiating himself from his elders, he begins to show resistance to what is imposed, he opposes the established orders and rules, thereby exhibiting more rebelliousness.
Likewise, experts indicate that disobedient children, through this series of unhappy behaviors, also put their parents to the test while gradually learning to control their impulses, which requires a lot of time and patience on the part of the parents.
Wrong authority models, reason for paternal guilt and reflection
Another cause that leads disobedient children to present inappropriate behavior in public or indoors is the authority models of their parents. Specialists indicate that these patterns are wrong, so it is necessary to reflect on them:
- Authoritarian parents. This is the case of boys raised in an authoritarian environment, where they obey to avoid punishment but without understanding the reasons. In addition, these children are easily irritated since they are not heard since the adult has the final word.
What’s the score? We forge the development of disobedient, resentful, insecure and low self-esteem children. So, disobedience is closely related to childhood rebellion. Therefore, it is recommended to foster harmonious homes based on the teaching of values and the differentiation of good and bad.
- Overly condescending parents. Here parents consider themselves friends of their children to ward off absurd fears. In this way, the parents consent to the minors without educating them with firmness and discipline, with which the authority figure is weakened until it disappears. It is just at this moment that the figure of disobedient children appears.
- Neglectful parents. The child’s education is not important and the affective bond is minimal, so the minors simply seek affection in friends with the same emotional deficiencies. These disobedient children are often not very tolerant and have serious behavior problems as well as poor school performance.
Steps to direct disobedient children
- Identify disobedient children. These behaviors appear from the age of two or three, the age at which you should know when this attitude is excessive and can pose a problem in the future. For this, it is essential to observe the first behaviors – more frequent in boys than in girls – that make up a pattern given to the continuity and hostility of their disobedience towards authority figures.
- Motivate disobedient children. The ideal way to start a path towards solving this problem is to stimulate the child’s motivation by reinforcing positive aspects of their behavior while ignoring the negative ones. It would be interesting if a collaborative attitude is also shown in which the minor is allowed to express himself more, always explaining through a dialogue the problems caused with his attitude.
- Do not lose your cool in the face of this childhood challenge. Control your anger, do not get over your nerves. To do this, you can position yourself at the child’s height in order to generate direct eye contact in order to be able to speak calmly with the child.
- Establish limits and norms to dilute rebellion. In this way you set a barrier between what to do and what not to do. However, these must be clear and reasonable, in addition to being adapted to the age of the minor. Likewise, it is advisable to explain to the boy the reason for each rule and the benefits of the same.
- Establish routines. A good help when directing disobedient children is to maintain a stable schedule and rhythm of life in order to avoid a chaotic life where it is impossible to be guided by schedules, limits and rules once they are imperious. By implementing routines you establish an order and balance in the home at the same time that you foster a collaborative and assertive attitude in the little one.
